27 May 2006

Shoulders

Am I a fetishist?

I find shoulders attractive. A good pair of shoulders, to me, is probably better than a good pair of legs - so why is it that shoulders get such a bad rap?

How many times have you heard someone say 'what a great pair of blades' ? I'll wager (uh-oh, gambling is back) that the answer is never. On the other hand, how many times have you heard someone say they will 'shoulder the blame' or be a 'shoulder to cry on'.

Shoulders are not for crying on, they are for rejoicing in.

Praise the maker.

26 May 2006

Grandson of Gamblog

Monumentally bad day!

14:40 Goodwood - Mountain High £5 @ 8/11 lost
15:30 Newmarket - Lets Roll £5 @ 10/3 lost
15:40 Haydock - Escape Clause £6 @ 1/3 lost
16:10 Haydock - Pride Of Nation £5 @ 5/4 won 11.25
16:55 Goodwood Nicada £6.25 @ 17/2 lost

I've withdrawn a bunch of money now, so this is today:-

Movement: down £16 Account: £0 Hand: £42.75

I do have several bets outstanding though...

£5.00 on Germany (sorry) to win World Cup @ 7/1

Potential: £40 (£35)

£1.00 on Schumacher to win Monaco Grand Prix @ 15/8
£1.00 on Alonso to win Monaco Grand Prix @ 13/8

Potential: £2.62 (62p) - £2.87 (87p)

£2.00 on Pete to win Big Brother @ 2/1
£2.00 on Imogen to win Big Brother @ 8/1
£1.00 on Glyn to win Big Brother @ 20/1

Potential: £6 (0) - £21 (£16)

£3.00 on Wayne Rooney to be Top English goalscorer @ 7/1
£4.00 on Steven Gerrard to be Top English goalscorer @ 11/2
£1.75 on Theo Walcott to be Top English goalscorer @ 16/1
£2.00 on David Beckham to be Top English goalscorer @ 10/1
£5.00 on Frank Lampard to be Top English goalscorer @ 9/2

Potential: £22 (£6.25) - £29.75 (£14)

Total Potential: 0 (-£27.75) - £93.62 (£65.87)

All of this came from an initial £10 stake!!!! Great fun!

25 May 2006

Big Borether

You should know something about me, I'm very faddy. I am guessing, that if you're reading this blog you probably already realised that I get heavily into something for a while, really enjoy it, and then get bored.

Well, it didn't take long, but I think I've reached the end of my teather with Big Brother. All the interesting people are walking, or have walked, out of the house. The ones that are left are tedious and not in the least bit compelling to watch.

From what I've seen, Pete is going to win it, he's the guy suffering from tourettes.

It's made me interested in finding out more about tourettes. I saw a really interesting looking book about it at Amazon, Don't think about Monkeys which I might get, but it hasn't made me want to sit glued to the TV for the next 3 months!

Fear not dear readers, I'm back.

Son of Gamblog

Bad day today.

20:35 Lingfield Kahlua Kiss £5.00 @ 12/1 lost
15:55 Ayr Secret Liaison £5.00 @ 5/1 lost
14:50 Ayr Deutschland £5.00 @ 6/4 won £12.50
14:40 Goodwood Corridor Creeper £5.00 @ SP lost
14:10 Goodwood Night Crescendo £5.00 @ 4/1 lost

I also put a very shameful bet on something else, which takes another £5 off the account

Movement: down £12.50 Account: £32.50 Hand: £25.00

24 May 2006

Gamblog

I have had a roller coaster ride on the horses today (which, if you think about it is an odd image - a carousel ride would be much more fitting).

I have been playing some more with Ladbroke's money. Here are the highlights of today's action:

14:55 Kempton £10 on Fajr @ 9/4 (favourite) lost
15:25 Kempton £5 on Rezzago @ 8/1 (rebound!) lost
20:15 Sedgefield £20 on Heartstopper @ 6/4 (favourite) won £50

Movement: up £15 Account: £50 Hand: £25

Birds words

There is nothing worse in this world than a man using women's words.

I don't mean words about women, no, I mean words that have clearly been designed with ladies in mind. Words like tea-cake, smooch, and yummy.

There really should be a ban on the use of these words, by men, in public places. We have a smoking ban, and, whilst I find the smell of someone else's smoke on my clothes mildly annoying, I find the sound of a bloke telling his friends about the "Yummy tea-cake" he had the other day downright offensive.

In fact, it makes me want to sob.

23 May 2006

BB7 Bio: Shahbaz

Age
37
Sex
Male
Occupation
One-time Rent boy
Hero
Patrick McGoohan
Music
Shirley Bassey
TV
Are You Being Served?

Shahbaz loathes hypocrisy, loves not sleeping and adores his mouth. His biggest ambition in life is to knit his own Kylie Minogue to wear to parties.

21 May 2006

BB7 Bio: Lea

Age
'35'
Sex
Only if the cameras are rolling.
Occupation
Model
Hero
The Montgolfier Brothers
Music
Gail Williams
TV / Movie
Plastic Fantastic (XXX)

Lea sees herself as a caffeine addicted, honest single mum, with a body 'to die for', although it is also a body that 'she paid for'.

BB7 Bio: Glyn

Age
18
Sex
Male
Occupation
Lifeguard
Hero
David Hasselhoff
Music
Baywatch classics
TV / Movie
Baywatch

Glyn sees it as his duty to show off his sexy body to the nation. Missing his A-Levels to do it, is a bonus. A cunning linguist, Glyn speaks both Welsh and English.

Weak, I am weak

I caved - I had given myself 2 weeks before I would start watching BB7, as it turns out, it only took me 2 days (and it was probably less than that).

I've decided that I cannot keep banging on about Big Brother over here though, so I created a blog specially for that event: bb7-uk.blogspot.com.

What I am going to do, just for fun, is create some unofficial biographies of the housemates, I'm going to add them here - just so you, my avid readers, can join in my latest obsession! Don't worry, other than that, I'll keep the two separate.

19 May 2006

Big Brother goes Dahl-ish

Let me see if I understand how this works:

You buy a chocolate bar, find a golden ticket, and get a chance at the big prize?

I have a feeling I've seen this before somewhere. In a book maybe, or, that's right in a film - that nice Johnny Depp man gives away a factory in a competition something like this.

I foretell that the first ticket will be found, by a German. Their name will be reminiscent of a month, June, Julie or something like that - and they will like chocolate.

Are you that soldier?

18 May 2006

Tourettes Cash Bonanza

I don't watch Big Brother, but, I think I just saw that they put a guy who claims to have Tourettes syndrome in the house. This is a master stroke from show's creators, Endemol.

They will now not have to bleep any of the Big Brother episodes. Doing so would constitute discrimination. The result? Viewing figures will go through the (already pretty high) roof.

I know it's going to happen. I know I'm going to get sucked in. I almost just gave in and watched the first episode, but I didn't watch it, just the first 2 housemates.

I give myself 2 weeks before I start watching it arse daily.

Could I have a problem?

I now only have £10 of their money.

I have placed 3 bets on the leading goal-scorer for England in the World Cup.

  • £5.00 on Frank Lampard at 9/2 paying £27.50
  • £2.00 on David Beckham at 10/1 paying £22.00
  • £1.75 on Theo Walcott at 16/1 paying £29.75

I reckon it will give me something to cheer for, even if England lose and go out early.

That man-giraffe Crouch (could there be a less apt name?) had better not step up and start scoring goals, nor the poison dwarf - bet they both will now.

Gambling pays

I have just made my first foret into online gambling, and to my surprise, it paid off.

The story goes like this, I have a friend who has a phriend who was receiving some excellent information about horse races. He was going to pass this information on to me, and I was going to make a whopping tax-free profit.

Needless to say, it was a scam - and one that was actually up and running!

The good news is that I didn't get stung. I put a deposit into my online betting account, but never actually got around to making a bet (mainly because I am rubbish at reading my e-mails in time).

The net effect of this however was that I had £10 burning a hole in an online gambling account. So, I thought I'd take a random punt on a race. It was not entirely random, I bet on a horse with relatively short odds, but not the favourite (Spring Margot in the 16:45 at Perth).

It romped home leaving me with £28.75!

I've paid myself back the original tenner and now have £18.75 of their money to play with. Do you know, it really does feel like at least four times that amount!

17 May 2006

Not spam, and that's official

I received an e-mail the other day telling me that blogger's automated service had examined my blog and determined that it was likely to be a 'spam blog' - Great!

What is a spam blog? Well, to quote blogger's own definition, a spam blog "can be recognized by their irrelevant, repetitive or nonsensical text...". Now, I appreciate, I am no poet, and not the most eloquent of people, but I have read a great deal more irrelevant, repetitive and nonsensical stuff in other blogs.

A human has now reviewed the content, and I have been cleared of all 'spam' charges. I am slightly disappointed that they didn't give me a rave review, nor propose me for blog of the month, but at least I can go back to posting my inane drivel... Lucky you.

11 May 2006

Dude

At what age does it become unacceptable to use the word 'dude' in conversation?

You may think that there is no age at which it is acceptable to use the word 'dude', and you would not be alone in this opinion. The odd thing is, I thought exactly that until I was in my mid twenties, and then, for some reason, it became OK.

I am now in my mid thirties and, the other day, someone responded to my use of the word with the phrase 'how old are you?'. They were right, and it was at this moment that it became apparent to me that all words have a use-by date.

It is worse than that of course, words also have a use-from date. Words like mortgage, retirement and pension for example. The problem is, dictionaries don't contain this information, and I think they should; The government insists that all food stuffs be correctly labeled with this information; so why not words?

The only worry I have is that this will lead to a seedy underground network of 'talking dens' where people go to use illicit words. Sick, sick individuals.

09 May 2006

Think Three

Money cannot buy you happiness. It can however buy a far better quality of sadness.

08 May 2006

Vive la difference

I have been 'encouraged' to state that an undisclosed company are not, as previously reported, evil scam-mongers.

In fact, they are just good business people with a strong understanding of what is fair. The incredible low-low price is simply to give reduced income families the opportunity to experience the luxury of a cruise across the Channel, to one of the undisclosed jewels of mainland Europe. The only reason for the limit on duration is to ensure that they do not out-stay the warm welcome they are sure to receive; Most sensible, I'm sure you'll agree.

I can only apologize for my unrational outburst, I am prone to these.

Hold the front page

Nothing particularly interesting about this - but I found a picture from our local paper of the time we went on a tour of historic sites around our home town, Southampton.

Even though quite a lot of the older buildings were knocked down during the second world war, there is still a fair bit to see, for example, the building in the background is Bargate, the ancient entrance to the city (although it is now slap-bang in the middle of it!).

07 May 2006

Think Two

If you aren't disgruntled, what are you? Gruntled?

Scammers of undisclosed origin

I've just booked a trip to an undisclosed foreign country for our summer vacation. We booked with an undisclosed company since they are the only ones that cover the route we need, but, I could not believe the price difference between staying for less than or more than 5 days.

The trip actually cost 205 pounds, but only because we are now traveling for less than 5 days, to travel back later, even on the same day costs an extra 138 pounds.

What reasonable explanation could there be for this? Short answer, they are scammers. The reason they do this is simply that, for the majority of people traveling to the undisclosed country, it is their main holiday, and generally, main holidays are fixed at 7 or more days.

It's a scam, to trap people who don't have any flexibility. Thankfully, because my parents live in the undisclosed country, we can be totally flexible about times, we can go for the cheaper option.

By-the-way, another surprise, if you book your trip via the undisclosed company's 'Offers' page it is much cheaper. This was true for us, even though none of the offers covered the dates we need!

Using only the money saved on this trip, we will be able to book another, under 5 day off-peak trip - annoyingly it will be with the same undisclosed company.

06 May 2006

Blog it up, blog boy

It was a glorious day yesterday, so, some phriends and I went out for a 'team meal'.

I assured everyone that I would blog it. The thing is, right now, I'm feeling disinclined to write anything, in fact, I feel disinclined to sit up. I can't think of anything to tell you either, as per usual it's a bit of a blur. I did avoid buying a kebab, which is good. I didn't end up sleeping on Bournemouth station, which is good too. Hmmmm, on balance, it seems it was good.

Oh my god - I am stunned, Bournemouth Station actually has a wiki entry. I think I need to write about my Bournemouth Station adventures and put a link to here from there; I will, soon, right now, I think I'll go and have a nice lie down.

04 May 2006

Tasty Burgers

What precisely does 95 percent fat-free mean?

You may think it means "This is a healthy product". In reality what it means is "We don't care about you, at all"

You see, the phrase '95 percent fat-free' implies that the company took 95 percent of their product and, for our benefit, removed all of the fat from it. If they could do that, why didn't they go that extra yard and remove the fat from all 100 percent?

It is because they couldn't be bothered. And just to underline the level of disdain they have for us, they even took the last 5 percent, removed all of the non-fat and replaced it with fat.

So, the gig is up Birdseye. You and your cronies can just cut the flannel, we're not buying it any more, give us 100 percent fat-free, or forget it.

Think One

The disillusioned are the only ones who've realized it's an illusion.

03 May 2006

Fone a Phriend

It has been pointed out that I referred to a work colleague earlier as a friend. This was clearly wrong. As everyone knows, people you know through work are never proper friends.

Friends are people you know through any other means - even people you only know online. Work colleagues are, at best, phriends.

The definition of a phriend, 'A term used to describe a person with fake friend qualities; an enemy', is stunningly accurate when applied to anyone at work. Phriends are, after all, the competition. Oh, they may make idle chit-chat and go down the pub occasionally, but all the while, you know they're really thinking about how best to bag you out to the boss.

So, from this day forward, I pledge never to mix up my phriends and my friends - in fact, I think I'll go and fix the earlier blog before any further confusion arises. Thank you for pointing out my mistake, although I strongly suspect there was an ulterior motive to you doing so.

GoogleJhacking

Oh no. It works, I had previously blogged about the possibility of adding the most recent whack stack entries to a page to generate additional traffic... And I'm ashamed to say, it works - To prove the point, here are the top few from the whack stack now.


  • mariners afterschools (michael howard 7b)
  • bronco xenotransplantations (michael howard 7b)
  • fatness afterschools (michael howard 7b)
  • doctorspeaks clearly (Karin)
  • spazz schoolchilds (Karin)
  • paleoanthropologic gall (Rachel Woolcott)
  • paleoanthropologic butterfly (Rachel Woolcott)
If you came here after testing a googlewhack from the whack stack then, you have been googlejhacked (I was going to call it googlejacking, without the h, but that appears to be something even more unsavoury!) - I apologize, but I'd appreciate you letting me know if that's what happened. I have given credit to the original 'hackers'.

Rachel - you have too much time on your hands!

02 May 2006

More Google(W)hacking

I was thinking some more about googlewhacking. Specifically, if it would be possible to write a whack checking program to look at a URL and work out the whacks it contains. My theory is that many pages will contain at least one googlewhack and 'CheckWhack' would prove popular with web developers.

A phriend worked out that for any number of words on a web page, n, there were n! / (n-2)! * 2! combinations. For a web page containing 1000 unique words, that works out at 499,500 combinations - way too many to run through google.

I thought I'd try working out how many unique words there were in this blog. It came out at 757 giving 286,146 combinations - still far too many to check. Knocking out the 500 most common English words, brings the counts down to 549 unique words, 150,426 combinations.

Even limiting the words to those with 7 or more letters you end up with 159 unique words and 12,562 combinations.

In short, it doesn't look like it'll work! The CheckWhack project is on permanent hiatus (903,000 hits at time of writing, wait, 903,001)

Dirty books

I like libraries. The main thing I like about libraries is the fact that you get books from them for free. There is just one problem with books borrowed from a library and it's that, most likely, they have already been borrowed by other people.

When you buy a book from a book shop, you know that it is pristine. Save, perhaps, from someone flicking through it in the shop, no-one else has opened this particular copy. This is not true of a library book and I find any reminder that this is the case causes me a surprising 'Oh!' moment.

Today I was reading 'The Salmon of Doubt', a book of Douglas Adams' writings published after his untimely death. Everything was going fine, I was really enjoying the book until I turned the page to find a hair. A hair! It was a straight hair, which is good, but it was a hair - in my book. 'Oh!'. It didn't matter that I was really enjoying the text of the book, not a bit, I had to put it down and walk away.

The odd 'addition' to a book is inevitable, I myself had a particularly unpleasant experience once with a paperback, a gust of wind and a nosefull of dust that probably rendered a couple of pages unreadable, however, I think all library users should strive, no, strive is not good enough, assure, on pain of heavy fine, that all books are returned free of hair, skin and bodily secretions.

01 May 2006

When in Belgium...

Some friends of mine are spending the weekend in Belgium, Antwerp to be specific, and it reminded me of an occasion that I would rather have forgetten - but that I thought might serve as a useful warning to others when visiting the country.

Antwerp is a wonderful place, it has many good points. The main good point being the many bars that stay open all the time and stock lots of interesting and delicious beers. It was after taking advantage of this particular good point that I found one of Antwerp's not so good points.

After an evening of merriment, I was feeling a little peckish, like you do, and thought I'd sample some chips (fries) from one of the many stalls that dotted around the streets. Now, my Flemish is not that hot, nor is my French, but I know that 'frites' means 'chips', so I was feeling pretty confident as I walked up to the nice man behind the counter. When I actually got there however, I was presented with such an array of options I didn't know where to begin.

I wanted something simple, just 'frites' would have been fine, but they didn't seem to have that on the menu. What could I choose? Well, I like ketchup too, so perhaps, frites with ketchup? Nope... Ah, but wait, ketchup is American, and there's an option, 'Frites American' - bingo, that is the one for me.

I couldn't have made a worse choice. Frites American, it turns out, is in fact chips with 'steak tartar' heaped on top. It was, to say the least, a shock - and not just for me - I suspect the poor cyclist who discovered an uneaten carton of chips and raw beef sitting on their bike seat was quit surprised too.

In summary then, my advice to you is, when in Belgium - always ask if they speak English, if they don't, walk away!

Tyranny from the Seas

Yesterday I went to see the launch of Royal Caribbean's cruise ship, the Freedom of the Seas. It's the world's largest cruise ship and to mark the occasion, there was a free fireworks display.

The launch was at night (fireworks work best at night you see) so the ship, which is very impressive, was beautifully lit up. However, this beauty hides a dark secret, that apparently only I spotted.

The Freedom of the Seas is, in fact, an evil transforming robot. I don't mean any run-of-the-mill evil transforming robot either, it's a Decepticon.

Let me explain, on the funnel of the ship, there is a logo. Most ships have a logo like this and they don't generally indicate anything other than ownership, in fact, I think if I'd seen it during the daytime I would not have given it a second glance, at night however its message is lit up in blue neon glory for all to see 'I am evil, fear me'.

To illustrate the point, I have 2 pictures, on the left is my rendition of the Freedom of the Seas' funnel (the 'neon' is the best I could manage) on the right is the decepticon logo picked out in the same colours.


Coincidence? Seems unlikely doesn't it.